Died and Gone to Heaven by DoUTrustMe
Banner by Ange de l'aube
Tallulah wraps her brand new car around a tree. She is in a
hospital bed, she sees God. Tallulah is hot for some Jesus daddy.
"God?"
"Yes?"
"Do you have sex? With Mrs. God?"
"Not recently."
"You should."
"I'll take that under advisement."
I finally managed to pry one eye open. "God?"
"Mm." God was leaning over facing away from me checking some clear tubing on a pole.
"You have a nice ass, too."
God threw back his head and laughed as he walked out of the hospital room.
God tells her, her name is Bella, and thanks her for her complement.
Bella’s memory is gone. She can’t remember a thing. She finds out that God, now called Dr. SexGod is her husband. Dr. SexGod is delicious, she is happy that she gets to go home with his yummyness.
This Fic is filled with many hysterical nick names for Edward, and Edward’s body parts.
“The Twins, The Item, Caption Cock, Love Boat are just a few.
"What do I call you?" I asked.
He put his book down.
"What?”
"Besides Doctor SexGod? Edward. Eddie. Ed. Teddy. Ted. The Cullenator? What do I usually call you?"
"It depends on the circumstance."
"Oh?"
"If you're upset or serious you call me Edward. If you're happy and flirting you call me Edster. Then there's the Edmeister, the Ed man, Edless Horseman, Big Ed, Mr. Ed, Doctor Ed, Doctor Edper, Doctor Love ... "
"Okay, I get it. I have a lot of names for you."
"And then in the heat of passion you call me Edward-ooooh."
"Eduardo?"
"No. Oh, Edward, oh, oh, Edward oh, Edward oh. Edward-ooooh," he demonstrated in a breathy voice.
I clamped my thighs together.
"Ooooh," I responded cleverly.
"Kind of like you just did there only breathier and louder and with Edward in front," he explained politely and went back to his book.
If you are interested to find out about 18th Century Time Traveling Bare Naked Robbers, read this.
If you are wondering what genetically engineered super crotch moths have to do with Bella & Edward, run don’t walk to this fic.
You will also find out that Bella has all kinds of diabolical plans to get Triple X aka Edward naked. Her plans are awesome, even Sexward has some diabolical plans up his sleeve.
So much for my evil, diabolical plan. I'd been planning to serve him breakfast in bed wearing nothing but an apron.
X had his own bag of tricks. They might even be better than mine. His plan was more diabolical. His plan had also worked.
Five-Oh Papa Chuck graces us with this awesomesauce presents
Charlie's mustache opened the front door of his house and welcomed us in.
You also get to meet Mama & Daddy Sex, and the rest of the Cullen Family Sex. B wonders if the Cullen Family has access to a fountain of youth—an elixir of immortality to stay young perfect and sexy.
Bella finds her wedding video she watches over and over to try to regain her memory. She wants to know all about her husband. She knows she loves him, but she wants to know what made her love him, what their relationship was like before her memory was lost.
Edward is just awesome. He adds fun to her crazy stories, and goes along with her nick names like “The Item.” (Not to be confused with The Situation) He loves this girl, so much that he wants to buy her a tank to drive so she won’t get hurt. He is patient with her, he is kind, but he also loves the smexin as much as she.
This all sounds off the hizzy don’t it? Yeah, but this some genus writing here people. If you need some break from the angst, waiting for some update, you should check this bad boy out. You won’t be disappointed. Let us know what you think. Let DoUTrustMe know what you think of her fuckery. You will laugh your ass off. I promise.
"God?"
"Yes?"
"Do you have sex? With Mrs. God?"
"Not recently."
"You should."
"I'll take that under advisement."
I finally managed to pry one eye open. "God?"
"Mm." God was leaning over facing away from me checking some clear tubing on a pole.
"You have a nice ass, too."
God threw back his head and laughed as he walked out of the hospital room.
God tells her, her name is Bella, and thanks her for her complement.
Bella’s memory is gone. She can’t remember a thing. She finds out that God, now called Dr. SexGod is her husband. Dr. SexGod is delicious, she is happy that she gets to go home with his yummyness.
This Fic is filled with many hysterical nick names for Edward, and Edward’s body parts.
“The Twins, The Item, Caption Cock, Love Boat are just a few.
"What do I call you?" I asked.
He put his book down.
"What?”
"Besides Doctor SexGod? Edward. Eddie. Ed. Teddy. Ted. The Cullenator? What do I usually call you?"
"It depends on the circumstance."
"Oh?"
"If you're upset or serious you call me Edward. If you're happy and flirting you call me Edster. Then there's the Edmeister, the Ed man, Edless Horseman, Big Ed, Mr. Ed, Doctor Ed, Doctor Edper, Doctor Love ... "
"Okay, I get it. I have a lot of names for you."
"And then in the heat of passion you call me Edward-ooooh."
"Eduardo?"
"No. Oh, Edward, oh, oh, Edward oh, Edward oh. Edward-ooooh," he demonstrated in a breathy voice.
I clamped my thighs together.
"Ooooh," I responded cleverly.
"Kind of like you just did there only breathier and louder and with Edward in front," he explained politely and went back to his book.
If you are interested to find out about 18th Century Time Traveling Bare Naked Robbers, read this.
If you are wondering what genetically engineered super crotch moths have to do with Bella & Edward, run don’t walk to this fic.
You will also find out that Bella has all kinds of diabolical plans to get Triple X aka Edward naked. Her plans are awesome, even Sexward has some diabolical plans up his sleeve.
So much for my evil, diabolical plan. I'd been planning to serve him breakfast in bed wearing nothing but an apron.
X had his own bag of tricks. They might even be better than mine. His plan was more diabolical. His plan had also worked.
Five-Oh Papa Chuck graces us with this awesomesauce presents
Charlie's mustache opened the front door of his house and welcomed us in.
You also get to meet Mama & Daddy Sex, and the rest of the Cullen Family Sex. B wonders if the Cullen Family has access to a fountain of youth—an elixir of immortality to stay young perfect and sexy.
Bella finds her wedding video she watches over and over to try to regain her memory. She wants to know all about her husband. She knows she loves him, but she wants to know what made her love him, what their relationship was like before her memory was lost.
Edward is just awesome. He adds fun to her crazy stories, and goes along with her nick names like “The Item.” (Not to be confused with The Situation) He loves this girl, so much that he wants to buy her a tank to drive so she won’t get hurt. He is patient with her, he is kind, but he also loves the smexin as much as she.
This all sounds off the hizzy don’t it? Yeah, but this some genus writing here people. If you need some break from the angst, waiting for some update, you should check this bad boy out. You won’t be disappointed. Let us know what you think. Let DoUTrustMe know what you think of her fuckery. You will laugh your ass off. I promise.
Xoxo Robandi
Thanks for the rec! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I'm trying to conquer the world one giggle at a time.
XOXO DoUTrustMe